Robert the RaymondKiller
by Woe is Me
Summary: In my fanfic, Robert gets sick of Raymond and (tries to) kill him. I tried to make it funny. My first fic, plz dont be 2 harsh PLEASE REVIEW! COMPLETED!
1. Ray's Accomplishment and Robert's Anger

Hi this is me InnocentAngel14 and this is my story about Everybody Loves Raymond. I'd like everyone to know I love this show and so I'm not trying to make fun of it. Just wanted you to know that.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own none of the characters in my story.  
  
Here it is! Please don't kill in your reviews!  
  
Robert went into Ray and Debra's house. Marie was already there, flipping pancakes in the kitchen. Ray and Debra weren't in sight. Allie and the twins were sitting at the kitchen table making cards out of construction paper and crayons. "Oh Robbie, you're here!" Marie exclaimed. "You can't believe what Ray did! He got ten awards for his sports column! Oh, I'm so proud of him! Ray and Debra are at a celebration party right now, and when they come back I want to surprise him! He won't be back till one more hour. The kids are making cards and I'm making Ray's favorite pancakes. Frank is getting Ray some clubs for his golf. I want you to go out right now and get Ray a present, Robbie. Hup to it! Come on!"  
  
Robert made a face. "Don't you want to know about my day, how was work? All you talk about is Raymond this, Raymond that! Not even so much as a hello! Don't you want to know about my police work?" Marie turned around and looked Robert straight in the eye. "No, I don't want to know about your police work. I only care about Ray. Now get out of here and get a present for your brother!" Marie screeched.  
  
Robert stomped out of the house angrily. "I'm sick of Raymond and I'm going to get rid of him once and for all," muttered Robert, an evil glint in his eye. 


	2. Getting the Gun

This is my chapter 2! Enjoy! PUH-LEEZ REVIEW!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.  
  
Robbie pulled his dinky red car out of Ray's driveway. He cursed under his breath. Ray had shiny fancy-shmancy new black Mercedes, and he had a tiny little used Ford.  
  
Robert drove onward, towards downtown. Marie thought he was buying a gift for Ray, but Robert knew he wasn't going toward no gift shop.  
  
Robert drove into a downtown parking lot. He hopped out of his car, and quietly walked down the dark alley and into a hidden shop. The shop had been under investigation for selling illegal weapons and the police were closing it down next month. Robert sneaked inside.  
  
A rugged smelly man at the counter threw his hands in the air. "Officer, officer, please don't shoot! I'm sorry, and I admit I am selling illegal weapons!" the man screamed. "What?" Robert asked confusedly. Then he remembered he was still wearing his police uniform. "Oh yeah, don't worry I'm off-duty now. And I don't want to close you down. I want to buy a gun from you. A big gun that'll shoot down pretty quick, and is common so they won't know it's me," Robert explained.  
  
The man stuttered, "Oh yes, sure Officer. Just come on this way." The man slid out from behind the counter and walked into a door near the back of the shop. Robert followed close behind him. The man jammed a key into the door and Robert gasped when he saw the inside of the shop. Guns, millions of them, lined the walls. The man took a small black gun off of a hanging hook. "Here Officer, most common, best there is. It's already loaded, got 1 shot only," the man said, still stammering nervously. "I'll only be needing one shot anyway. Thanks," Robert said as he snatched the gun out of the man's shaking hands. "That'll be $300," the man said. Robert spun around and stuck the gun against the man's forehead. "If you let me pay 10 bucks for it, I won't kill you," Robert offered. "O-o-okay, Officer. Ten it is," the man stumbled. Robert slapped a bill into the trembling man's hand and stomped out of the illegal store, gun packed safely and hidden from view in Robert's pocket. 


	3. Ray Comes Home

This is my third chapter. Come on guys, PLEASE REVIEW?!?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters in my story.  
  
Robert swung open the door of Ray and Debra's house. Marie grabbed him. "Oh good Robbie, you're back! Did you get the gift? Good. Now hurry up and hide, Raymond will be back any minute! We're all going to jump out, and say, 'Congratulations! Surprise!' Okay? Come on, Robbie! Move it! Get behind the sofa, quick!" Marie commanded. Robert muttered a couple curse words under his breath as he squatted behind the sofa. "Everybody loves Raymond, but not for long!" Robert whispered as he patted the gun in his pocket.  
  
Suddenly the door opened. It was Ray and Debra, what do you know. "Surprise! Congratulations!" Marie, Frank, Robert, and the kids screamed as they hopped out from their hiding places. "Oh wow! This is great!" Ray exclaimed. "Oh wow, this is great," Robert mimicked Raymond in a high- pitched, squeaky, sissy voice.  
  
"I made some pancakes for you, dear," Marie said, bringing in a steaming hot plate from the kitchen. "Oh, we just ate," Debra said. "Oh, that's not food. Come Raymond dear, eat," Marie replied. Debra gave Marie a dirty look. Frank handed Ray a bag of golf clubs and patted his son's back. "Here son. Good job with your column," Frank said. "We made cards for you, Daddy!" Allie and the twins said simultaneously. "Awww, thanks kids," Ray said. Robert snorted. "You're just jealous of me!" Ray said as he stuck out his tongue at his big brother. "Why would I be jealous of a dead guy?" Robert mumbled. "What?" "Nothing. Ray, come out here for my present," Robert said. The two brothers headed out the back door. "Okay," Raymond said as he followed. "This is it!" Robert thought. 


	4. Ray Receives the Gift

Please REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! It's all I ask of you  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. I think I might have already mentioned that before.  
  
Ray and Robert were out in the backyard. "Now you stand over here," Robert said as he placed Ray at the end of the yard. Robert backed up to the other end. "What's this present anyway?" Ray asked. "3! 2! 2 and 3 quarters! 1!!!" Robert counted down. He pulled the gun out of his pocked and pulled the trigger!  
  
Suddenly water squirted out at Ray. "Huh? Water?" Robert pulled the trigger again. Water again. Then out of the blue the man from the illegal gun store was standing in the yard, laughing like crazy. "HA HA HA HA HA! TRICKED YOU! YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A REAL GUN! HA HA HA HA HA!" the man guffawed. Then he disappeared.  
  
"What was that all about?" Ray asked confusedly, who was dripping wet from the gun. "You were just dreaming, Ray. Now come on in, let's have some pancakes," Robert answered. "Okay. I can live with that."  
  
THE END. So what do you think? I know the ending's weird, but I couldn't have Robert kill Raymond. So Review and tell me what you think. PLEASE?!? 


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